Wednesday, December 06, 2006

obsession

Ok, for those of you who were so anxious to find out, I am being intentional about the computer thing. Saturday night, midnight, I shut it down. It was quite tempting to just do "one more thing," but I'm getting sick of living in a world of exceptions. Sunday was such a blessing, and it just overflowed into yesterday. Now, when the heart finally becomes silent after running full speed ahead in whatever direction will fill time, it can be painful. Emotions, thoughts, and whatever else makes the stomach turn suddenly appear out of nowhere. So it was a little rough. However, I have not spent so much time with Him in far too long. Sunday, I was just hungry to be with Him because for once, I wasn't overwhelmed with distractions, yet my heart remained unsettled. Monday, something began stirring inside me, and I'm still not certain what it was, but it didn't feel good. What it did though, was drive me to Him...over and over and over. Good grief, my journal got warn out yesterday! But, by the time 4am came around (ya, that's when I actually finished my school prep after taking multiple breaks to pour myself out to Him because my stomach and my mind were running every which way!), I was filled with an awesome peace...finally. Today reflected that. Although I was functioning on a mere 4 hours of sleep, still had an impossible amount of stuff to finish before my classes, had an extra appointment before my classes (ya, those of you who know me know that I have a hard time getting anywhere on time, let alone earlier than on time!), and was planning to do classroom observations until 9pm, today was great and I just felt free. You know those moments where you finally feel like you can sing at the top of your lungs in your car? Ok, maybe you don't, but for me, that's what happens when my heart feels free. Is there a lot yet to be uncovered? Definitely, but man it feels good working my way back into His arms (Note: By working, I don't mean "works," but rather, making Him the priority that He should be and soaking in all the joys that come with acknowledging His constant presence.). Pray as that journey/battle continues and I attempt, once again, to learn some level of discipline and self-control.

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