I'm coming coming...back back...to blogging blogging

It's been on my heart lately that I need to get back into blogging a little more consistently. Not that I was ever too consistent, but once in three months is a little too inconsistent.

Anyways, I've gotten so carried away with life that I rarely sit back and reflect. In fact, I rarely sit still at all! I believe that's a tragedy. In fact, I was reminded today as Socrates said that, "The unexamined life is not worth living." It's interesting that my greatest fear is that I'll arrive at the end of my life, look back and realize that I have wasted it, yet I spend so little time evaluating whether I'm spending my days on the things that truly matter. I just keep moving, so fast, doing everything I can to keep up and failing daily, yet not reflecting on whether those things that consume me really even matter at all.

All this to say, I need to spend more time reflecting, evaluating, praying, and being intentional about how I spend the moments of my life, pulling away from the emergencies and the urgency even if just for a few minutes each day. Writing helps me to do that. Attempting to write with purpose helps even more. Writing causes me to stop and look at my life, and as I pause, I often gain a new perspective, and when I'm lucky, that perspective is one God's been trying to show me but I've been too busy to see.

So I'm going to attempt to re-enter the blogging world. Accountability would be great. If anyone's still out there reading this thing, stay on me, respond, ask questions, engage in dialogue, share your insights, nag me when you see me...whatever, just hold me to being real and sharing my thoughts.

Love you guys. Peace!

a new priority

I have not blogged in a long time. I hope you don't mind. I have been spending less time on the computer and more time with the Father and His Word. That is always something I say is important to me, yet it is something that I never seem to have time for. I know I need it, I'm hungry for it, yet other priorities stand in the way. Although I have said for some time that He is more important to me than anything, my life has not reflected that for quite some time. I try to fit Him in, but only with what I have left after all the other responsibilities and things I choose to give my time to.

Through Christmas, I did a lot of reflecting. It started back at Thanksgiving, actually. I thought a lot about the fact that I want my life's purpose to be whatever His purpose is. I want my life, my words, my work, my attitude, my accomplishments all to reflect Him. I want to live a life that encourages and challenges others to pursue Him more passionately. I desire these things more than anything else. These convictions fill my thoughts daily, along with the frustration and disappointment because I constantly fail to make that a reality. But how can I when I simply try to squeeze Him in? As He grew the conviction in my heart to strive for those things, as He increased those passions and desires in me, I resolved to place Him first, to give myself to Him before anything else, to make Him a priority above everything else. I suppose this could be considered my New Year's resolution. I shy away from those because I hate failing, and I don't know aobut you, but for me, failure is inevitable whenever I resolve to do anything. This resolution though, is far more important than anything else I could ever determine to do in my life, and it is far more essential. So, humbly, I have commited to make this year His, giving Him my firsts each day, and ending each day with Him as well. For me, doing these two things brings me to a point where I walk and converse with Him constantly throughout the day. This is my desire. That I would "pray without ceasing," that I would never stop seeking His face.

For those of you who know me, I'm sure you could guess that I have already failed. Yet, in this indeavor, I am trying to place my failures in His hands, simply accept His grace rather than my own shame, and continue striving after Him rather than giving up out of fear or disappointment in failure. So as I fail, I strive harder. It is always so refreshing to me to realize that each mandate set for us was not simply another rule to follow, but rather a guideline to help us to live life to its fullest as He desires for us. As I learn to discipline myself and sacrifice time once spent on other activities, I am beginning to see His face again as I did long ago. I am beginning to hear His voice. I am beginning to see with His eyes. I am beginning to know His purposes more clearly and can see His fruit in my life. This is life. I'm excited.

As I seek to know Him more intimately, I have also resolved to be more disciplined in scripture memory. See, I can paraphrase with the best of 'em! But I want to know His Word, I want it buried in my heart. Too bad I can't keep up with all His precious words that He has been laying on my heart! But step by step, I hope to carve them into my heart. As I have been failing lately at unconditional love, at mercy, one of my first verses is Psalm 103:8-12:

The Lord is compassionate and merciful, slow to get angry and filled with
unfailing love. He will not constantly accuse us, nor remain angry
forever. He does not punish us for all our sins; he does not deal with us
harshly, as we deserve. For his unfailing love toward those who fear him
is as great as the height of the heavens above the earth. He has removed
our sins as far from us as the east is from the west.

Yes, that was without looking! The challenge will be to remember it tomorrow, then next week, then next month. But He blesses our efforts, and I believe, with discipline, He will help me to engrain His truths within me. And since He calls us to reflect Him, I've got some work to do on living out those words! Compassionate, merciful, not accusing, letting go of anger, not holding grudges or keeping score...showing grace and forgiveness. Cake, right!? Right... But hey, the life He's called us to is not supposed to be easy, but it is supposed to be amazing!

Love you guys.

1 corinthians 13 – a Christmas version

I continue struggling with the dicotomy between what Christmas is supposed to be and what our culture has made it, not sure of how to do things differently as I'm caught up in the same rush to get gifts and do all the stuff that comes with this season. I found this today...

if i decorate my house perfectly with plaid bows, strands of twinkling lights and shiny balls, but do not show love to my family, i’m just another decorator.

if i slave away in the kitchen, baking dozens of Christmas cookies, preparing gourmet meals and arranging a beautifully adorned table at mealtime, but do not show love to my family, i’m just another cook.

if i work at the soup kitchen, carol in the nursing home and give all that i have to charity, but do not show love to my family, it profits me nothing.

if i trim the spruce with shimmering angels and crocheted snowflakes, attend a myriad of holiday parties and sing in the choir’s cantata but do not focus on Christ, i have missed the point.

love stops the cooking to hug the child.

love sets aside the decorating to kiss the husband.

love is kind, though harried and tired.

love doesn’t envy another’s home that has coordinated Christmas china and table linens.

love doesn’t yell at the kids to get out of the way, but is thankful they are there to be in the way.

love doesn’t give only to those who are able to give in return but rejoices in giving to those who can’t.

love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

love never fails.

video games will break, pearl necklaces will be lost, golf clubs will rust, but giving the gift of love will endure.

~source unknown

(Picture taken while looking at lights last night.)