I'm coming coming...back back...to blogging blogging

It's been on my heart lately that I need to get back into blogging a little more consistently. Not that I was ever too consistent, but once in three months is a little too inconsistent.

Anyways, I've gotten so carried away with life that I rarely sit back and reflect. In fact, I rarely sit still at all! I believe that's a tragedy. In fact, I was reminded today as Socrates said that, "The unexamined life is not worth living." It's interesting that my greatest fear is that I'll arrive at the end of my life, look back and realize that I have wasted it, yet I spend so little time evaluating whether I'm spending my days on the things that truly matter. I just keep moving, so fast, doing everything I can to keep up and failing daily, yet not reflecting on whether those things that consume me really even matter at all.

All this to say, I need to spend more time reflecting, evaluating, praying, and being intentional about how I spend the moments of my life, pulling away from the emergencies and the urgency even if just for a few minutes each day. Writing helps me to do that. Attempting to write with purpose helps even more. Writing causes me to stop and look at my life, and as I pause, I often gain a new perspective, and when I'm lucky, that perspective is one God's been trying to show me but I've been too busy to see.

So I'm going to attempt to re-enter the blogging world. Accountability would be great. If anyone's still out there reading this thing, stay on me, respond, ask questions, engage in dialogue, share your insights, nag me when you see me...whatever, just hold me to being real and sharing my thoughts.

Love you guys. Peace!

a new priority

I have not blogged in a long time. I hope you don't mind. I have been spending less time on the computer and more time with the Father and His Word. That is always something I say is important to me, yet it is something that I never seem to have time for. I know I need it, I'm hungry for it, yet other priorities stand in the way. Although I have said for some time that He is more important to me than anything, my life has not reflected that for quite some time. I try to fit Him in, but only with what I have left after all the other responsibilities and things I choose to give my time to.

Through Christmas, I did a lot of reflecting. It started back at Thanksgiving, actually. I thought a lot about the fact that I want my life's purpose to be whatever His purpose is. I want my life, my words, my work, my attitude, my accomplishments all to reflect Him. I want to live a life that encourages and challenges others to pursue Him more passionately. I desire these things more than anything else. These convictions fill my thoughts daily, along with the frustration and disappointment because I constantly fail to make that a reality. But how can I when I simply try to squeeze Him in? As He grew the conviction in my heart to strive for those things, as He increased those passions and desires in me, I resolved to place Him first, to give myself to Him before anything else, to make Him a priority above everything else. I suppose this could be considered my New Year's resolution. I shy away from those because I hate failing, and I don't know aobut you, but for me, failure is inevitable whenever I resolve to do anything. This resolution though, is far more important than anything else I could ever determine to do in my life, and it is far more essential. So, humbly, I have commited to make this year His, giving Him my firsts each day, and ending each day with Him as well. For me, doing these two things brings me to a point where I walk and converse with Him constantly throughout the day. This is my desire. That I would "pray without ceasing," that I would never stop seeking His face.

For those of you who know me, I'm sure you could guess that I have already failed. Yet, in this indeavor, I am trying to place my failures in His hands, simply accept His grace rather than my own shame, and continue striving after Him rather than giving up out of fear or disappointment in failure. So as I fail, I strive harder. It is always so refreshing to me to realize that each mandate set for us was not simply another rule to follow, but rather a guideline to help us to live life to its fullest as He desires for us. As I learn to discipline myself and sacrifice time once spent on other activities, I am beginning to see His face again as I did long ago. I am beginning to hear His voice. I am beginning to see with His eyes. I am beginning to know His purposes more clearly and can see His fruit in my life. This is life. I'm excited.

As I seek to know Him more intimately, I have also resolved to be more disciplined in scripture memory. See, I can paraphrase with the best of 'em! But I want to know His Word, I want it buried in my heart. Too bad I can't keep up with all His precious words that He has been laying on my heart! But step by step, I hope to carve them into my heart. As I have been failing lately at unconditional love, at mercy, one of my first verses is Psalm 103:8-12:

The Lord is compassionate and merciful, slow to get angry and filled with
unfailing love. He will not constantly accuse us, nor remain angry
forever. He does not punish us for all our sins; he does not deal with us
harshly, as we deserve. For his unfailing love toward those who fear him
is as great as the height of the heavens above the earth. He has removed
our sins as far from us as the east is from the west.

Yes, that was without looking! The challenge will be to remember it tomorrow, then next week, then next month. But He blesses our efforts, and I believe, with discipline, He will help me to engrain His truths within me. And since He calls us to reflect Him, I've got some work to do on living out those words! Compassionate, merciful, not accusing, letting go of anger, not holding grudges or keeping score...showing grace and forgiveness. Cake, right!? Right... But hey, the life He's called us to is not supposed to be easy, but it is supposed to be amazing!

Love you guys.

ok, so...

For some reason, I really like to start my blogs with, "Ok..." Either that or, "So..." I guess that's just me!

another long, but good day

I was gone all day teaching, observing, and Triple 7-ing. I got home around 10 and for the first time in...uhhh, maybe never...I didn't have any prep or grading to do...for tomorrow's class anyways. So I played around on my guitar for awhile and caught up with a couple friends, emails, and blogs. Now, I want to sleep...because I can and it's not 2...or 3...or 4am yet! But first (for Leah's sake ;), let me note a few highlights from today.

1. I accidentally discovered Dad had no lunch plans, so we both dropped everything for a quick, unexpected lunch date. Always a blessing.
2. I finally have time (2 weeks before the end of the semester!) to observe some of the full-time teachers and try to learn some new tricks. I got to observe/participate in two classes today, both of which I'll be teaching soon. I learned things in both, and even got a few laughs.
3. Somehow, I've become popular amongst the students of one of the classes I'm observing, so the teacher and I stuck around for awhile after class chatting with some of our faithful fans. It was fun, and I even learned more about grammar in the process! Did I ever mention that I love foreigners!? When it all comes down, I love that I get to spend my time with them everyday. What a blessing.
4. 777. What is Triple 7, you ask? It started as a group of crazy guys, and now, there is also a group of crazy girls, and they're all learning to lay down everything to live for their Savior. Pretty awesome stuff. Bonnie just had to ask once and now, I get to spend every Thursday hanging with a handful of these women, and they're even willing to suffer through my guitar playing! I feel blessed and refreshed every week. I am so thankful that God lets me love on those women, be a part of their lives, and learn from them.

So now, it's almost 1am, an hour earlier than my normal bedtime, and I'm fixin' to hit the sack (sorry, got a spurt of southern flowin' through me!). I hope you all are having a great week. I'm looking forward to an awesome Friday. I hope my eyes are open to what He wants me to see tomorrow.

Much love! Peace.

back in the saddle again (imagine me in a cowboy hat, chillin' on a horse, open fields all around me)

Ok, so I was confronted tonight at church by Leah about not blogging enough. See, Leah and I don't see each other much. Sundays at Sandals, to be exact...and only on Sundays when we are not consumed in other conversations or responsibilities and we actually touch base with each other. I find that most of these encounters with Leah are encouraging, uplifting, challenging, or thought-provoking, so they are definitely a good thing. But they are rare. So when I asked Leah if blogging was a Christ-like behavior that I needed to be more disciplined in (as I've been struggling with making His priorities my priorities and being disciplined in the things that matter to Him), she said, "Jenelle..." Ok, let's be honest. It's 1am and I'm bad with details, so I don't remember precisely what she said, but it was along the lines of desiring community and doing life together, knowing what's going on and how people are doing. And that hit me. People. People are what matter to me. Apart from God, nothing matters more. Why do I read blogs? Because I love knowing how people are doing, what they're thinking about, what's inspiring or discouraging them. I love walking with them even when the busyness of our lives won't allow it.

So, to the faithful few who do read my ramblings, I apologize for being distant. There have been many times I've thought of you (whoever you are!), even times when I've taken pictures or video just for your sake. But, being the perfectionist that I am, I always want to produce something worth reading, something worthy of your time. Although I write to share my life, I also hope that I write to bring glory to God. I hope that my writing - my life - inspires, challenges, and encourages those who give up minutes of their day, and brings glory to the one who we should be living every moment of our day for. So I do not want to just put words on a screen. I want to suck up your minutes in glory to HIm. So if the words serve only to take you to your knees in prayer for me or something I've written, then praise be to Him. If those words help you to see that you are not walking alone because someone else shares your struggles, then the glory is His. But God help me to never just put words on the screen. I know how many of His minutes in my life are wasted each day soaking up words and other distractions. None of us need more distractions; we all need more things that point us to Him, in whatever way that may be.

On that note and without any more rambling, I've been thinking a lot about prayer lately. I've never met anyone that wouldn't be blessed by spending more time in prayer. I have been convicted lately of how desperately I need to walk in intimacy with Him. I want my life and my thoughts to be a constant flow of prayer. Now I have to make my priorities match that desire. So, this is something I'm aiming for each morning before I start my day. Pray for me because I suck at discipline and I suck and consistency, but man, I want to know Him more deeply and I want my heart to be more like His. I read a quote the other day that Bob Pierce, founder of World Vision, wrote on the inside of his Bible - "Let my heart be broken by the things that break the heart of God." I long for that. I believe it will only come through constant prayer. Pray for me to fight that battle each morning and throughout the day.

P.S. Thank you, Leah, for wanting to walk alongside me.
P.S.S. If you read this thing, leave me a comment and let me know you're out there! I want to know who you are!

And I'm back in the game!

Ok, now that it's been nearly a year since I started this thing, I think I'm actually going to try using it regularly! I was tempted to wait until September 6, just so it would be a full year, but hey, why keep the world waiting any longer!? Plus, there are a few crazy stories and pictures I know the world wants to see, so wait no more!

How in the world does this stuff work???

It's amazing... As much as I live on my computer, all this new technology is beyond me. As I attempt to use all the fun resources on the web, I am lost in all the possibilities. So here I am trying out this blog thing. I suppose in time we will see if it works for me. I hope this will open up the doors of communication even more as I attempt to share my life with all of you in such a busy day and age. Thanks for caring enough to hang in there with me!! Love you all!