Sunday, October 01, 2006

undeserved

Right now, I feel overwhelmed by two things: 1) Exhaustion (but that's pretty normal for me), and 2) Gratitude for precious friends that I don't deserve. Yesterday, I was feeling consumed, growing incredibly discouraged, feeling trapped by several things. The more I sat and thought, the more discouraged I grew. But Paula called and asked if she could come watch a movie. Paula, thanks for just being here when I need someone around with a smile on their face.

When she left, I began to sink back down into my previous pit once again. Knowing that would not be good, I began chatting with Mina who I knew would listen to me, then encourage me, then challenge and pray for me. Two hours later, I knew that was a wise choice. Thank you, Mina, for your amazing heart and for always encouraging me toward the path I need to be on, often struggling toward that same path yourself.

Then today, I got to be Chris' schofer for her dreaded GRE. She was thoughtful enough to schedule it in Colton, my lovely hometown. So as I waited in a nearby Starbucks with the intention of grading and planning for my classes, I decided instead to call Donna, a long lost friend from high school who I love dearly, but see rarely. She was spaztic as usual when I called and was quick to set aside her day of relaxation and hop in the car to come join me. As we shared about what God's been doing in our lives and then poured out our war stories from teaching, I was greatly encouraged. I was given hope for some of my "problem children" as she shared of her many bouts and victories with her "problem children" (she teaches 7th and 8th grade English...it's amazing how many of the same issues we've confronted in our classrooms considering her's are teenagers and mine are full-grown adults, and hers are native speakers and mine are not...kind of humorous if you ask me). In addition to encouragement and inspiration, she also brought an abundance of much needed laughter (for those of you who don't know her, she's a nut...very much a unique individual). Thank you, Donna, for just being you. I look forward to learning more from you.

Surprisingly, the day kept encouraging me. Chris and I got to have a heart to heart, laugh, cry, and just love on each other. God's got cool plans for her life, we're just not sure what they are. It's fun to watch her grow and learn to trust though. I'm excited to see what He'll do in and through her over the coming months. I am convinced it's going to be pretty amazing. Thanks, Chris, for being real with me...even though it hurts sometimes. You've challenged me in many ways and put so many smiles on my face. Thanks for letting me walk this road with you.

Then we got to go to dinner with Yukai. Yukai...Yukai...crazy big/little Chinese brother. You just make me smile. (And was able to observe that Paula is equally as reserved in Chinese as she is in English...interesting insight!) And, because Yukai wanted some Pho, I got two huge hugs from my favorite Vietnamese restaurant owner, Lai, and had a fun chat with her husband too, while eating some incredibly delicious Pho Bo (that is, beef rice noodle soup)...mmm mmm good...

Then, for a cherry on top, I came home to an email from a dear friend who I don't deserve to have. We had a brief time to get to know each other several years back, and somehow, God knit us together and she's been a blessing to me then and since even though we've spent most of our friendship in different countries. Thank you, Cresta, for your prayers, your transparency, and your unconditional love for me.

I am blessed. I don't know why. I certainly don't deserve it. I've screwed up too many times, I haven't made the time I should to call or spend quality time, I've said things I shouldn't, I've acted selfishly, I've failed everyone God's placed in my life. But He continues to use them to help me to see Him. I often don't recognize the blessing; I don't notice all the gifts He's placed around me. But, God, thank you for putting people in my life that help me to see how much YOU love me.

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