my portion

"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." ~Psalm 73:26

How long have I been watching my flesh and my heart fail, and yet I lean on my own strength. It is not my intent, nor my desire. But it seems almost out of necessity, I cling to my own strength. But how absurd is that!? God knocked me on my face (or rather, quit holding me up while I thought I was doing the holding) to remind me that my strength is not enough. I rested for a few days, and jumped right back into it.

And physical weariness is nothing compared to the emotional burdens my heart has been carrying. For so many nights, I've finally laid down to rest, and I realize I'm breathing so fast and my heart is just pounding. So many emotions running through me, regret, pain, frustration, longing...and all because of choices I've made when I was foolish enough to live as though my own strength was enough.

God places incredible blessings in our lives, and I don't know about you, but I feel so responsible to give all that I've got to give, to pour myself out until I'm empty so that I do not disappoint God, so that I make the most of those things, so that I take the best care possible of the things He's placed in my hands. But in doing so, I'm running on empty and I struggle to find time for Him. I become very aware of how desperately I need His strength and guidance, and yet I don't know how to add that to my plate.

Is that His desire? Not at all. He wants us to seek Him, to rest in Him, to run to Him, to hide in Him, so that HE can be the strength of our heart and our portion forever. Oh that I would learn to trust that again.

Is it me, or has there been a pattern with these heart-felt posts?? Ya, this is something I struggle with constantly!