Beauty & Grace

DISCLAIMER: Graphic photos at the bottom of this post. Proceed with caution.*

Ok, so many of you have heard about my recent adventures, but for those of you who haven't (and for those of you who just want pictures!), here are the details.

Sunday, I believe a couple people told me I needed to take some time to rest. Monday evening, my friend Paula and I were sitting at my desk (a.k.a. lying on the floor since I have no furniture) looking through pictures on my laptop. Mina knocked at the door, so I jumped up to answer it. Approaching the end of the hall, my usual blackout occurred. I rested my hand on the wall and waited for my vision to return...usually a few second process.

This is when things get fuzzy... Since nobody actually witnessed the catastrophe, let me share with you my theory (Disclaimer: Although not scientific, this theory is based on my extensive experience with CSI and on each bruise that presented itself throughout last week)...

I took another step, thinking I was ok. Then realizing I wasn't quite stable, I leaned on one of the chairs around our dining room table. I vaguely remember this, but then all consciousness momentarily ceased and my body began to fall rapidly.

First, my chin bounced off the top of the chair (this was probably the most painful collision...it's just now bruising!). Apparently, my bottom lip was between my teeth at this point. FYI, teeth and skin don't live in harmony together under such pressure (hence the inch-wide, teeth-shaped hole in the front of my lip). As a result of the bounce, my head flopped to the side, off the cute little knobby on the top of the chair back (there's a very tender knobby-shaped spot on the right side of my head).

With nothing left to bounce off at that elevation, my body continued its decent to the floor... First off my right knee (nice big bruise there), then flat onto my face. Now, this was an interesting predicament. Apparently, my top teeth went directly into the floor (judging by the tooth-sized chip we found there later), along with my nose and my right eyebrow (pretty bruises in those places too). Fortunately, my bottom lip acted as a cushion between my bottom teeth and the floor. However, it's not a very good cushion and, again, the harmony here was not so great (as evidenced by the blood gushing out of my lip...and the hole from which it flowed).

To top it all off, or as we might say, "the cherry on top," the chair, which assaulted me previously, was obviously a little shaken up by the whole experience and, as a result, lost it's footing and fell on my head (explaining the tender spot on the back of my head).

So this explains the injuries. However, the commotion wasn't over. Paula, wondering why I hadn't yet answered the door, emerged from the room to find me on the kitchen floor, under the chair, with blood everywhere. She immediately rescued me from the chair and I quickly regained consciousness. Slightly panicked and unsure of what to do, she decided it would be to my benefit to let Mina in so that she could rescue me. It is not common for most people to be calm in such situations, so Mina was equally frantic. Eventually, I was able to guide them to some paper towels and we slowed down the bleeding. I managed to get to the bathroom to clean up some of the blood, then quickly decided it would be wise to sit down...no, lie down and rest. Precious Mina held a fan over me while Paula called Six to come rescue me. Unfortunately, all Six gained from that conversation was, "Jenelle" and "fall". So I took over, and told Six it might be wise for her to come home.

After I rested for awhile and my body cooled off and calmed down, I got up to assess the damage. As I attempted to wipe the rest of the blood off of my face, I realized that, in fact, I had a hole, not just blood, and that wouldn't as easily wipe off. Hmm...perhaps this was a problem and would not just take care of itself. So I called Mom and Dad...they know everything, right? "Dad, I just passed out and I think I bit all the way through my lip. Do you think I need to go to the ER?" "All the way through? Ya, you probably ought to go in. Do you have a ride? Ok, we'll meet you there."

Lots of blood tests, an EKG, three nurses, a doctor, and 14 stitches later, we all got to go home for some much needed sleep. Now, judging by the fact that my lip was still it's normal size before the ER and was about 4 times that when we left, my dad and I think the doctor mistakingly injected Collagen instead of that spiffy numbing stuff when he did my stitches. It's almost back to its normal size now. Anyways, here are some pictures.

*STOP SCROLLING NOW IF YOU DON'T WANT TO SEE THE PICTURES!


**No, really...stop!!


***This is your last warning!!!

1-3 were taken after we got home from the ER. 4 and 5 were taken a few days later.
1) Tracy's favorite pic; 2) the full blow; 3) pitiful me and my poor pants (they got caught in the crossfire); 4) 6 stitches inside; 5) 8 stitches outside

Ok, I'll share more on the progress over the last week for those of you who aren't here to see how much better I look now.